Why do Men Dispute with Women ?

What are the Real Reasons for their Dispute?

Men dispute regularly with women. As for women, they don't understand instinctively the needs of a man in order to face these disagreements. Each conflict of ideas, feelings or desires, for a man, is like a real challenge. The more he is intimate with a woman, the more fights and disagreements with her become tough for him. When she doesn't like what he does for her, he considers it as a personal offence, as he concludes that she doesn't love him. In other words, a man cannot face tensions efficiently within the couple unless his essential emotional needs are satisfied. But, as soon as he thinks that he lacks of love, the dark side of his character dominates to make him stand on the defensive side. A man who provokes conflicts concerning money, time, children education, etc. is probably raised by one of the following reasons:

A man hates when a woman worries for the smallest thing he does or he does not, he feels criticized and rejected. He wants her to accept him as he is as he thinks that she tries to change him.

He hates when she tells him how to do things. He feels that she doesn't admire him and that she treats him as a baby. He needs to feel admired.

He hates when she blames him about her personal problems. This won't encourage him to become her charming prince. He needs encouragement.

He hates when she complains that she does so much to him but that he doesn't thank her enough. This gives him the impression that she doesn't appreciate what he does for her. He needs to feel appreciated, but in this case, he feels blamed, null and disrespected.

He doesn't like when she worries about anything that might happen. He feels that she doesn't trust him enough. He needs her to express her trust to him and her feeling of security with him as her worries make him feel sad.

He doesn't like when she insists that he talk or act according to her will. He doesn't feel accepted or respected. He needs her to accept him as he is, but in this case, he feels dominated and obliged to talk when he has nothing to say. He feels that he will never satisfy her.

He doesn't like when she feels hurt from whatever he says. He feels that she doesn't trust him enough, that she doesn't understand him and that she disregards him. He needs her to accept him and to trust him, while he feels that she never forgives him and that she ignores him.

He hates when she thinks that he can read her thoughts, but in the reality, he cannot. This makes him feel helpless and has the impression that he is not the suitable partner for her. He needs her approval and to feel accepted as he is, while she makes him feel that he failed.

When his basic emotional needs are satisfied, a man tends to use less hurting arguments. He becomes then capable to listen and to talk in a respectful, understanding and kind way. Personal fights, contradictory arguments and negative feelings will be solved by conversation, negotiation and compromises, without having to reach cruel fights.

According to John Gray

To be continued ..