Master your Emotions

Very often, we feel emotions which make us happy, pleased, in security, etc. But very often too, negative emotions invade us and control our thoughts and attitudes. Sometimes, these negative emotions can be more painful than physical pain. People fall prey negative emotions and make the wrong decisions or take adverse actions. Therefore emotions are one of the most important part of human life. Some people spend hours in thinking, crying, or recalling the bad story, isolate themselves or even hurt themselves without really being able to relieve themselves. Others run away and stop thinking of the problem in order to escape the bad feeling of emotional pain, so they try to do 'something else' and pretend to be happy or not caring, a way of repressing negative emotions in order to be released from real life. None of these attitudes will solve really the problem as one should face the negative feeling and not run from it. Here are 11 steps that we can follow regularly each time we feel negative emotions invading us :

1. Accept full responsibility for the emotion. Even if you don't fully believe it right now, tell yourself, "I Create My Reality, and I am Creating this Emotion Right Now". Usually, people never get beyond step one because they actually believe that outer circumstances are causing their emotions.

2. Name the emotion. Giving the emotion a name increases your clarity, awareness, and consciousness. Don't just say you feel sad or bad or mad. Expand your emotional knowledge until you can positively identify the feelings of violation, disappointment, anxiety, shame, embarrassment, and many more.

3. Let go of the story. The story is whatever it is outside yourself that you think caused the emotion. Literally "see" the story being cut off from your emotion and fading away. Let go of the story but keep the emotion that you created and which now has a name.

4. Bless the emotion. Blessing the emotion means not judging it as good or bad. Accept the emotion in a spirit of gratitude and learning. This is necessary in order to do the next step properly.

5. Feel the emotion. With no judging or resistance, simply feel the emotion. Notice where you feel the emotion physically in your body. Raise your consciousness as you become a "witness", a kind of observer of your own processes. What you resist persists, and allowing the emotion in this way is the very opposite of resistance.

6. Ask for clarity. In a spirit of learning and willingness to grow, ask for insight as to the reason for the emotion. Don't go back to the story. The "cause" of the emotion is you, and nothing outside yourself. Ask "What do I need to learn from this emotion." Also ask "What ineffective belief do I own that created this emotion."

7. Identify the belief. Create a space for the answer to come, and it will come. At the root of nearly every painful emotion is an ineffective belief. You may believe that you must make everyone happy. You may believe you can't be loved if you are not perfect. You may believe that you are simply not worth it.

8. Replace the belief. Once you have identified the belief, choose to replace it with a more effective belief. Literally say to yourself, "I now choose to reject this (ineffective belief) and adopt this (empowering belief) in its place".

9. Summary – You will find that during the last four steps of the process, something magical has happened! The painful emotion is gone, completely transformed into something else. The reason for this magic is the clarity and increase in consciousness.

10. Normally, people resist their painful emotions with intense energy, which only keeps them festering and in pain for hours. By allowing yourself to feel in a spirit of openness and acceptance, you can learn your lessons quickly.

11. A fantastic side benefit is that you now have a powerful new belief in place! You can grow more in a few weeks than you have in the past years by practising this process diligently.

Emotional Intelligence.. What is it?

Are you emotionally intelligent?

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Better Understand a Woman

What to do with a Stressed Woman !

Sirs, are you able to recognise the symptoms of a stressed woman without feeling concerned? Women under stress tend to mix their feelings with those of others' and lose their balance. They feel completely torn. Men interpret personally these symptoms and believe that they are unable to help them, which is a good reason to withdraw from the scene. Here are three symptoms of a stressed woman; try to understand them: 

First symptom: overwhelming

Stress intensifies the feminine sensibility. Faced to an unusual influx of emotions, a woman can no longer distinguish between her feelings and those of others and feels obliged to meet the expectations of everyone. She feels so overwhelmed and unable to find rest until everything is done. The more she forgets her needs in favour of those of others, the more she is overloaded. She continues to give and give without ever taking the time to receive. She ends up by blindly submitting to the desires of others, till exhaustion. She becomes unable to prioritise.

When a woman complains of being overwhelmed, she is simply trying to share her feelings. It will be enough to listen to her! Her husband takes distance to escape the feeling of guilt she sends back to him. He feels he disappoints her but does not know how to express it without losing face. He doesn't tell her that he wants her happiness, that he hates to see her sad, etc.., and does not even imagine that she would like to hear this. From her side, the woman becomes sure that he does not love her because his external behaviour suggests that he doesn't care and that everything is going well. The result: she feels even more alone.

A man should know that a stressed woman needs an attentive ear from her husband and not having solutions. 

Second symptom: dramatising

A woman burdened always tends to dramatise. After a stressful day, a woman is able to relate all her worries and aggression on her husband as if he were the cause of all her worries. If he lets her discuss the rest of her concerns, she can generally relax. In this state, it is easy to go about unfair hurts and forget them. The man reacts similarly to stress: he is irritated easily, but if not provoked, his bad mood will go as fast as it came. A man must be able to listen without interrupting or correcting his partner's remarks.

Under the effect of stress, a woman can only restore her balance by means of speech. If her partner shows her support and understanding, it will be enough for her to stop dramatising.

Third symptom: collapsing

By accumulating tension, a woman can easily collapse abruptly. This reaction is a cry for help, but a man interprets it automatically that he failed and cannot do anything for her. He does not see that her depletion results from an imbalance and he has nothing to do with it. This excessive fatigue is the female equivalent of male folding. The more the pressure increases in a woman, the less she thinks of herself. So she needs a helping hand.

Don't even try to give her advises or to blame her, but just listen to her and support her well. 

To restore balance, a woman must first examine her feelings. If she fails to unravel them, a growing imbalance is reflected by the symptoms mentioned above.

Sirs, in order to cure a woman from her stress, try to understand and recognise these symptoms. All a woman needs is an attentive ear and a strong support.

According to John Gray

Better Understand a Woman

Next.. Sirs : try to understand women !!

Better Understand a Man

How to Deal with a Stressed Man

Ladies, do you recognize the symptoms of a stressed man without feeling concerned? It is not easy. A man shows three main symptoms of stress that women often interpret negatively and resent: remoteness, bad temper and refolding. Women, ignoring these symptoms, tend to feel involved and exaggerate their suffering. Certainly, if women are able to interpret these symptoms correctly and understand them, they will relax and know how to help their partner find his balance.

First symptom: Remoteness

In a stress situation, the first instinct of a man is to take distance and stop communication. Of course, the woman feels that his attitude is against her. She imagines that he no longer loves her. This is normal because in the eyes of a woman, this attitude reflects indifference or resentment. For a woman, the opposite happens: the more she is under pressure, the more she becomes concerned about the well-being of those she loves. If a stressed man is not conscious of his own suffering, he becomes deaf to the others and minimizes the problems of his entourage. He hinders his emotions; he rejects any attempt to help or dialogue and pretends that everything is fine. 

A woman needs to know that a distant man is a man who struggles against his emotions.

 

Second symptom: Bad Temper

A worried man devotes all his energy to achieve the stated goal. If he is interrupted for another reason, he has the greatest difficulty in changing his plan. It is easier for a woman to shift her focus from one subject to another. A man, however, cannot but concentrate on one task at a time. If one disturbs his concentration, he protests. A woman will think he is abusing her patience.

Under the effect of stress, a man loses interest in everything and shows a bad mood.

Third symptom: Refolding

At the highest tension, the stressed man withdraws into himself and shows utter indifference. This is one more mystery to the woman: when she closes to herself, it's because she has decided to do so. She believes that he escapes from her deliberately for some obscure reason for revenge. In fact, this refolding is a defense mechanism that is set up when the man feels flush with painful feelings. While his wife sees a pure and simple rejection, the man just needs to be alone to solve his problem.

Don't even try to help him; just accept and respect his solitude.

Faced to the bad temper of a man, a woman is afraid to ask. In order to ensure his help, she must learn to ask. If she does not ask, she will obtain nothing. Once a demand is made, she must remain silent without trying to justify herself. The silence is conducive to reflection.

Ladies, to cure a man from his stress, nothing is like a little love and tolerance.

To be followed ..

According to John Gray

Better Understand a Man

Next .. When a man is stressed ..

Dangerous friendship !

When friendship with the opposite sex becomes dangerous ..

 

Why do we seek friendship with the opposite sex? Is it because the "classical" friendship is not sufficient to meet our needs? Is it because we want to live a "different" experience, richer than what we lived with the same sex, but while remaining just "friends"? Or because we can confide with the opposite sex without being judged, and open up more easily than with one's own partner?


This difference in relationship certainly encourages people to establish friendship with the opposite sex. They interact with colleagues every day, sometimes closely and sometimes in a very personal way. One cannot help being around these people. In many cases, these are people whom we see most often than on's own partner.

They are women and men that you meet at work or in the entourage. However, how do we know if this friendship is likely to cause troubles? Indeed, this is not always easy, because human relationships tend to evolve gradually : almost all opposite-sex friendships begin in an innocent way. If one is not careful, it can become a serious threat to his / her personal life or marriage.

A relationship of friendship begins at a very basic level: to know each other. Before the person realises it, he / she starts to open up to the friend and expresse his / her concerns, worries and troubles (particularly those related to private life). Being a man, you give her a sympathetic ear. In appreciation, she gives you the attention and care that sometimes exceed those you receive from your own wife. You will find her so flattering and her behavior gives a good push to your ego. As for her, she feels safer with you because you show great interest in listening to her concerns and encourage her.

Unconsciously, the opposite-sex friendship becomes the most important relationship in your life, even more important than your relation with your own partner. It is at this point that this "friendship" becomes a real threat to your marriage and personal life.

How to determine if this friendship turns into dangerous relationship? Here are some hints:

• You’re physically attracted to the person, and think about him / her when you’re not at work.

• You find yourself sharing personal information that you wouldn't share with someone else or even with your partner.

• When you arrive at work, you start looking for this friend and you are really disappointed if he / she is not there.

• You begin to create opportunities to be alone with him / her during the workday, or outside the workplace for lunch or coffee. You're ready to linger too long at your desk to see him / her.

Because of these changes, to which you are completely unconscious, this relationship can take another dimension that goes beyond mere friendship. The friend finds more fulfilment and satisfaction in his / her relationship with you. Even if nothing unusual happens between you, you may have unwittingly pushed your friend not to face his / her problems that he / she should deal personally with his / her own partner. One will end up clinging to the other.

Certainly, many persist on their friendships with the opposite sex in which nothing ever happened and nothing will never happen between them. Evidence such as: "we're just friends"; "he doesn't represent anything for me"; "my best friends are all of the opposite sex" confirm that opposite-sex friendship is as normal and natural as the same-sex friendship and is not likely to take a romantic dimension. However, if one asks the following questions: Can you be sure that the other feels the same way as you do? That he / she sees this relationship in the same perspective as yours? That your emotions will not evolve differently in the future? Not always! Living a platonic friendship between man and woman is a major issue, a debate that remains open ..

For further reading, here are some evidences