Dangerous friendship !

When friendship with the opposite sex becomes dangerous ..

 

Why do we seek friendship with the opposite sex? Is it because the "classical" friendship is not sufficient to meet our needs? Is it because we want to live a "different" experience, richer than what we lived with the same sex, but while remaining just "friends"? Or because we can confide with the opposite sex without being judged, and open up more easily than with one's own partner?


This difference in relationship certainly encourages people to establish friendship with the opposite sex. They interact with colleagues every day, sometimes closely and sometimes in a very personal way. One cannot help being around these people. In many cases, these are people whom we see most often than on's own partner.

They are women and men that you meet at work or in the entourage. However, how do we know if this friendship is likely to cause troubles? Indeed, this is not always easy, because human relationships tend to evolve gradually : almost all opposite-sex friendships begin in an innocent way. If one is not careful, it can become a serious threat to his / her personal life or marriage.

A relationship of friendship begins at a very basic level: to know each other. Before the person realises it, he / she starts to open up to the friend and expresse his / her concerns, worries and troubles (particularly those related to private life). Being a man, you give her a sympathetic ear. In appreciation, she gives you the attention and care that sometimes exceed those you receive from your own wife. You will find her so flattering and her behavior gives a good push to your ego. As for her, she feels safer with you because you show great interest in listening to her concerns and encourage her.

Unconsciously, the opposite-sex friendship becomes the most important relationship in your life, even more important than your relation with your own partner. It is at this point that this "friendship" becomes a real threat to your marriage and personal life.

How to determine if this friendship turns into dangerous relationship? Here are some hints:

• You’re physically attracted to the person, and think about him / her when you’re not at work.

• You find yourself sharing personal information that you wouldn't share with someone else or even with your partner.

• When you arrive at work, you start looking for this friend and you are really disappointed if he / she is not there.

• You begin to create opportunities to be alone with him / her during the workday, or outside the workplace for lunch or coffee. You're ready to linger too long at your desk to see him / her.

Because of these changes, to which you are completely unconscious, this relationship can take another dimension that goes beyond mere friendship. The friend finds more fulfilment and satisfaction in his / her relationship with you. Even if nothing unusual happens between you, you may have unwittingly pushed your friend not to face his / her problems that he / she should deal personally with his / her own partner. One will end up clinging to the other.

Certainly, many persist on their friendships with the opposite sex in which nothing ever happened and nothing will never happen between them. Evidence such as: "we're just friends"; "he doesn't represent anything for me"; "my best friends are all of the opposite sex" confirm that opposite-sex friendship is as normal and natural as the same-sex friendship and is not likely to take a romantic dimension. However, if one asks the following questions: Can you be sure that the other feels the same way as you do? That he / she sees this relationship in the same perspective as yours? That your emotions will not evolve differently in the future? Not always! Living a platonic friendship between man and woman is a major issue, a debate that remains open ..

For further reading, here are some evidences